The dangers of over identifying with your emotions
“With me being so aware of my flaws I expected you to be perfect”
The dangerous path of over identifying with your emotions, and the value of vulnerability.
In over identifying with one’s emotions you put the metaphorical blind fold on. You shut yourself off from the emotions and needs of others. This spells disaster for any relationship. All you seek is to be affirmed of your emotions and for the desires of those said emotions to be tended too. You lose sight of the world, and are now only guided by your feelings. You cant see the feedback from others since you are now blind. All you know is what you feel and that is your measurement of truth. Your emotions are not rooted in objective truth even though you may feel so righteous in it.
In over identifying in your emotions you lose the ability to be objective. You stop cherishing and nurturing others vulnerability. You conflate your anxious insecurities with vulnerability and honesty. You confirm the lies you tell yourself to affirm the emotions you feel. You choose to rather be right than effective/understanding. You become hyperaware of your own flaws and to find relief you expect others to be perfect in their behavior in meeting your expectations.
What this is, is a vomiting of a burden onto another, rather than an attempt to allow someone to get to know a deeper layer of you (true vulnerability). Vulnerability is an invitation to view and experience one’s honest true self. It’s an invantation to go beyond one’s persona and experience a deeper more intimate aspect of self. It is a virtue to be strong enough to be vulnerable with others. But forget not to cherish others vulnerability as you would your own.
Vulnerability
Vulnerability takes courage, you have to have the courage to be imperfect, and to be able to present yourself in that incomplete imperfect manner out into the world. That takes great bravery, but is within everyone’s capabilities. So to be able to do that and you have to have the compassion to be kind to yourself first, to be forgiving of yourself second, and lastly kind and forgiving to others. If you expect yourself to be able to be compassionate and empathetic to others it is only possible if you treat yourself kindly first. And to be able to create any meaningful connection with others has to come an authenticity. You have to let go of the thought of who you think you should be in order to be who you actually are. The nature of life is this - life is suffering, we are hardwired for struggle when we are born. Yes you are imperfect and wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.
Applying vulnerability to your relationships: Becoming brave and forgiving enough to be vulnerable with yourself and others is a great virtue, but its just half the puzzle piece. This may sound obvious, but one must approach others vulnerability as delicately and with the same understanding as you would wish from others when you are opening up. To be able to do so with yourself, with others, and for others is a sign of you being at a level of emotional & psychological maturity that is ready for a deep level of intimacy & meaningful relationships. We are not perfect and this takes much trail and error so be forgiving of yourselves and others as you are both learning and growing in how to be vulnerable and handle others vulnerability. So how can we learn to accept and make someone feel seen/understood when they are vulnerable with us?In your relationships learn to cherish the worlds of others, as they too are an invitation of all things that make them up. What they love, enjoy, and desire. Their world is comprised of aspects of what they do that fills up their metaphorical cup. This is an invitation to/a blueprint of how to fill their cup up/ how to see them and learn to understand them. The more someone feels understood and seen, the easier it is for that person to start letting down their walls, engage in vulnerability with you and want to understand and cherish you vulnerability. An invitation of their world isn’t just an act of vulnerability but is also an invitation of kindness; how? Well they are introducing you to the secrets of their world as those things fill their cup they hope in sharing that with you this too will fill your cup up as it does theirs. So learn to be vulnerable yourself, then understanding and nurturing of others. De-identify with your emotions and wanting to affirm said emotions, and lastly choose to be understanding over being right and through this you will be open to a much grander experience.